Bonds Of The Heart Read online

  He didn’t tell them about the hole it left inside of him. He didn’t mention how he ached every damn day from the pain of losing his brother. He didn’t reminisce. He didn’t tell anyone how badly he missed his brother.

  So why had he unexpectedly opened up to Erika? Was it because they both shared the same type of loss? It was just so easy to talk to her. Erika knew what it was to lose someone to the Marines, to the service. Someone who had fought with their lives for the freedoms their country stood for. But they had different views—she was still angry that her father chose the career he had and he accepted his brother’s choice. Yet he still hurt from the loss of his best friend. Was he angry too?

  Jumping from the truck, he kicked the dirt again as he cursed himself for shutting Erika out. It was his default to shut down. She didn’t deserve that side of him. She was hurting too. She needed support as much as he did. Could he give her that support? Could he accept her support?

  He should have had more control, but when he felt her soft mouth on his, his control slipped. And when she stood there on her porch when he picked her up…

  He remembered Mrs. Gibbons telling him about the job she took in California, and Erika telling him where she lived. Erika’s home wasn’t in the small town now. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to give in to his desire to kiss her. He needed time and he needed space. But damn it, he didn’t want space from Erika. He’d have time, sure, but just how much?

  Twelve

  ***

  Tupperware in hand, Erika rang the doorbell. She saw Blake’s truck in the driveway so she knew he was home. When no one answered, she rang the doorbell again and waited. Still no one answered. She rang the bell again.

  Support. It was something Blake needed but it was also something she knew he wouldn’t readily accept. There were nights she had called back to L.A. to speak with Maggie about her own pain. Maggie was there when she got the call about her father. Maggie had sat with her for hours as she cried on the floor of her office. Maggie had arranged the time off, the flight home for the funeral, and the shipment of her Jeep. Had anyone done that for Blake at all? She hoped that maybe she could at least offer Blake a friendly ear. He wouldn’t have started talking if he didn’t want to, after all. People who open up then shut down the way he did deep down needed to talk about it.

  Erika rang the bell one more time. She looked out past the driveway to the forest of trees across the street as she waited for Blake to answer the door. The sun was setting behind them in brilliant shades of red and orange. The heat of the summer day was fading with a cool breeze. The screech of the door opening startled her.

  “Hello?” A small voice called from behind her.

  Erika turned to find a young boy behind the screen door staring up at her. The boy looked to be about ten or eleven years old. His light brown locks were darker than Blake’s. His deep brown eyes held wonder and sadness. Erika could see immediately the resemblance in the boy to Blake. Okay, so he had a son.

  “Oh. Hi. I was looking for Blake.”

  “He’s in the shower.”

  “And you are?”

  “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.”

  Right. Stranger Danger lesson number one. “My mom sent food.” She lifted the Tupperware for the boy to see it.

  “What kind of food?”, the boy asked, carefully pushing open the screen door slowly.

  “Lasagna, although it’s pretty loaded with cheese. Do you like pasta?”

  “Grands doesn’t make pasta much, and well, we really only cook hot dogs and hamburgers when she’s not here. But I love pasta.”

  She held out the Tupperware. A shadow moved behind the boy that had her snapping her head up. “Blake,” she whispered.

  “What did I say about opening the door when I’m not around, Robbie?” Blake grunted, still rubbing a towel through his damp hair in front of his eyes. He had changed clothes and taken a shower. Unsure as to why he showered again, she frowned at him.

  “I was playing my game but this lady kept ringing the doorbell. She wouldn’t stop, so I answered. She brought us food.”

  Blake walked to the door and saw Erika, just as she had looked earlier in the day‒‒with that same blue dress on‒‒on his front porch. The breeze teased the hair around her shoulders. She could still take his breath away no matter how much pain he was feeling. Blake pushed away the thought for a later time when he better try to understand where all these new feelings were coming from. He frowned at her holding leftovers in her hands. What’s with the food?

  “Mom and I thought since you liked it so much the other night, we’d give you some of the leftovers.” Erika shrugged, suddenly nervous and wary at Blake’s tone with the boy and his gaze upon her.

  “Come on in.” Blake pushed open the screen door wider allowing her to step through.

  The house was completely lived in. Toys scattered in the living room and not much else in place. Clothes—she didn’t know if they were clean or dirty—strewn across the couch and chairs. A few stains adorned the area rug under the coffee table in the middle of the room. A large TV sat in the far corner with some gaming systems connected to it. Games and controllers were scattered at the base of the TV stand. If there wasn’t a young boy present, she’d have sworn it was a bachelor pad.

  A table against the wall in the small hallway where they stood with a few pictures on it. Her gaze fell upon a picture of two men, arm in arm, in front of Blackie’s. Blake and his brother. They looked a lot alike.

  Blake followed her gaze to the photo. “That’s Jared and me when we opened Blackie’s.”

  She nodded and brought her eyes back to his. They were sad. It was the same sadness she saw in him earlier in the day that he fought to hide from her. It was the same sadness that she saw in the boy's eyes when he answered the door. She turned to the boy then.

  “Since you’re not allowed to talk to strangers, how about we fix that? I’m Erika Gibbons. My mom and your grandmother are friends.”

  She shifted the Tupperware to one hand and held out the other for the boy to shake.

  He looked at Erika first, then to Blake. When Blake nodded, Robbie took her hand and shook. “I’m Robert. But my friends call me Robbie.”

  “My friends call me Erika. May I call you Robbie?”

  Robbie nodded with a shrug. “Sure.”

  “Hi, Robbie. Do you like video games?” she asked pointing to the cascade of games and controllers on the floor.

  “I love them. I was just playing when you rang the doorbell like a million times.”

  Erika laughed when Robbie rolled his eyes. Blake just grunted. “Do you have 'Gears of War'?”

  Robbie’s eyes lit up, his smile hesitant. “You know it?”

  “Of course. I used to play all the time back home. Although, I haven’t played in a few months.” She didn’t mention that it was the only game she’d ever played.

  Robbie grabbed Erika’s hand and dragged her into the living room to his games. Blake took the Tupperware from her hands so it didn’t fall. He stood there stunned as he watched Robbie with Erika. She knelt beside Robbie when he kneeled to show her his games.

  “I have all of them.” Robbie said. “I’ve already pre-ordered the latest one but it won’t be out for a couple of months. You wanna play? I was just finishing up this game but we could start a new one? Since you haven’t played in a while, I’ll take it easy on you.”

  Erika looked back at the stunned Blake and laughed again. “Sure.” She turned back to Robbie. “Think you can beat me because I haven’t played in a few months? I may surprise you.”

  “You’re on!” Robbie laughed and began a new game switching buttons on the gaming system and TV.

  Blake stood in the hallway, baffled. He hadn’t planned to see Erika for a while, whenever he was ready to talk to her. He had planned on the night in and was still trying to decide on dinner for him and Robbie. Staring at her playing a video game with his nephew, Blake didn’t notice the hole in his heart sta
rt to fill in.

  “I’ll just heat this up for dinner then.” Neither Robbie nor Erika turned back to look at him.

  Blake shrugged and headed into the kitchen. What the hell just happened? This woman surprised him. After the way he had treated her earlier, he didn’t expect her to just show up. He’d thought the last thing she wanted to do was see him. But here she was, bearing food, and willing to sit through Robbie’s persistent video gaming. He never could figure out women. That’s what Jared was for, for helping him understand the opposite sex.

  Blake took out three plates and set them on the small kitchen table. He stared at the table. Three plates. Three people. Like a family. Blake brushed the thought aside. He’d have to figure how the idea of family—with Erika—had popped into his head later.

  Blake had just taken the last of the lasagna out of the oven when he heard the groan of a defeated Robbie.

  “Where did you learn how to play like that?” Robbie asked as he headed into the kitchen taking his defeat like a champion.

  “A friend of mine helped design the game. I guess I had an advantage.” She smiled as they walked into the kitchen.

  “Wait a second. You know the guy who designed the game? No way!” Robbie’s eyes widened again. This time his smile beamed without hesitation.

  “Yes. He said I could test it for him. So I played the game in my spare time. I was bad at it too, but after a while, I was kicking butt and taking names.”

  “That’s so cool.” Robbie turned to Blake. “Can you believe this? Erika not only knows the guy who created 'Gears of War,' but she tested it before it came out. That is so awesome! She’s the first one to kick my…butt.”

  “Yeah, awesome.” Blake nodded with a small smile that didn’t fully reach his eyes. “Since you don’t like my burgers and dogs. Dig in.”

  Blake filled two plates, one for him and one for Erika, and motioned her to sit at the chair beside him. He grabbed bottles of water out of the fridge for himself and Erika and some lemonade for Robbie.

  “It would be so cool to have a job like that. Man, if I could play with video games all day and get paid to do it…I’d be rich.” Robbie laughed as he took a big bite of the lasagna, sauce spitting all over his mouth.

  “Chew, then talk,” Blake said. “Otherwise we’ll be cleaning up sauce from other places than just your mouth.”

  Robbie swallowed and wiped his face.

  “That game is his favorite. I don’t think he even plays any of the others he’s got.” Blake said.

  Robbie nodded and took yet another big bite.

  Erika giggled. “It’s the only game I’ve ever played actually.”

  “Really?” Robbie and Blake said in unison.

  Erika laughed harder this time. “Really. I don’t even own a game system. I borrowed my friend’s.”

  “And you play that good? Man, you have to come over more then. I’ll teach you everything I know. And maybe you can teach me a few things.” Robbie beamed and dug his fork into another helping. “Can she Blake?”

  Blake turned to Erika who smiled at him shyly. She could stay as long as she wants, forever if she wanted to, was what he wanted to say. Instead he lamely said, “I guess.”

  Erika listened as Robbie talked about the different games and game systems he had. She learned Robbie was in fifth grade and hated math. It was something they had in common. She told him how she had barely passed math but aced every English lit class in creation. But she told him that if he passed his math classes and did well in school she’d introduce him to her friend. That was the icing on the cake to Robbie. She didn’t know what possessed her to make the promise, but she was determined to keep it.

  Blake didn’t speak much during dinner. He just watched Robbie and Erika. He was more than confused now—not just about the woman who was sitting, eating dinner with them, not just with the feelings he had for her but for the need he felt inside himself to open up to her. It wasn’t uncomfortable sitting at the table with Erika and Robbie; it actually felt easier than it had been in a long time. It felt…normal. Blake found himself not entirely uncomfortable with his feelings anymore as to why this woman was starting to mean something to him so fast. And it kinda scared the hell out of him.

  Thirteen

  ***

  By the time Blake helped a reluctant Robbie to bed, there were groans and pleas for just ‘one more game.’ But it was past Robbie’s bed time.

  “Erika’s really cool.” Robbie smiled. “She knows so much about the game. I’ve never met a girl who likes video games before.”

  “Some girls do,” Blake said.

  “I hope I meet a girl like Erika. That would be awesome. We could play games all the time.”

  Blake just nodded, with a smile, as he listened to Robbie talk about Erika. She was downstairs waiting for him. He didn’t want her to leave. Not yet. Once Robbie was in bed Blake knew he’d have to face her. And at some point he’d have to explain to Erika about his outburst earlier, but he still couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t think he’d ever be ready.

  “Time for bed, big man.”

  “Okay. Was my mom like Erika?”

  The question surprised Blake. He had talked with Robbie about his mother. It was important to Jared that Robbie knew who his mother was, what she was like, but he'd never realized it until now. Erika was a lot like Robbie’s mother. Stubbornness and feisty. He’d explain all that to Robbie when he was older. For now he simply said, “You’re mother never could figure out a video game, but she loved to try anyway. So yeah, I’d say she was like Erika in that way.

  “Cool.” Robbie smiled through a yawn. “You think Erika could come over again and play?”

  “I think I can ask her.”

  “Thanks, Blake. I really like her.”

  I do too, he thought. “Night Robbie.”

  “Night, Uncle Blake.”

  Blake shut off the light and left the door open just a bit to let in the light from the hallway. There were times Robbie still had nightmares about his dad and the light had helped Robbie most of the time.

  Heading back to the living room, Blake found Erika picking up after Robbie, tidying up the video game system and its games. He leaned against the doorway and just watched her for a moment. The dress swaying as she moved around the TV. When she bent down, he had to stop himself from running over to her and taking her right there on the living room floor.

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “Oh! You scared me.” Erika jumped and placed a hand over her heart as she turned to Blake. “My mom and dad always taught me if I play with something I have to clean up after myself.”

  “It’s usually me cleaning up after Robbie. But thanks.” He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. Why was he nervous?

  “You’re welcome. I like your son.”

  “My…what? No,” he forced a laugh. He realized Robbie never called him by his name all night. “Robbie’s not my son.”

  “Brother?”

  He shook his head and didn’t laugh this time. “No. Robbie is my… my nephew.”

  “Oh.” Erika twisted her hands in front of her. “Look, Blake—”

  “Wait.” He walked over to her. Taking her hand in his, he brought her to the couch and sat. “I want to apologize for earlier. For my—”

  “You don’t have to apologize.”

  He blinked, unsure what to say. Everyone else had wanted him to open up and she was… what was she doing? Giving him space? Time to open up? He had wanted to tell her but he knew now wasn’t the right time. Robbie was upstairs. His mother would be back soon to check in before going back to her house. He’d have to wait to tell her. “Yeah I do. So…I’m sorry.” He shrugged with a little agitation and removed his hand from hers.

  Erika sighed and waited for Blake to say more. She could see he wanted to. But the look in his eyes turned back to anger and hurt and pain.

  “I don’t know what happened. I’m not going to ask bec
ause you’re not ready to talk. I understand that.” She stood and walked to the front door. “When you’re ready to talk, you will. But the reason I came over here tonight was to tell you that when you are ready to talk, to me, to anyone, I’ll be there to listen. For you.” She opened the door and walked out. And just like that, she was gone.

  Blake didn’t go after her. He saw the door shut after she spoke her peace. He heard the car start and pull out of his driveway. He sat on the couch and stared at the room.

  She would listen, he thought. Erika would listen when he was ready to talk. But wouldn’t most people? There had been others around Emberton that had told him so, when he was ready. People who had stopped by those first few weeks with trays of food, sympathy, and condolences. People who had stopped by the shop to wish him well and tell him if he needed anything to just call. When he was ready. He hadn’t taken anyone up on their offers.

  He had quit his job in D.C. and moved back as quickly as he could to take care of Robbie and the shop. He'd moved into Jared’s house so Robbie wouldn’t have so much change to deal with at once. His parents lived just down the street, near enough in case they had to watch Robbie when he was missing his brother too much or had to work late hours.

  Blake rubbed his eyes and stood from the couch to finish cleaning up the living room. When it was clean, he retired to his room—Jared’s room.

  For about a month and a half, Blake had slept on the couch with his back screaming at him. But he couldn’t bring himself to sleep in the same room as his dead older brother. It was too hard. The memories were too much to handle and the pain too fresh. Now, he sat on the bed in the middle of the room and looked around.

  Pictures of Jared and Robbie were scattered about the room. Pictures of himself and Jared at their first major league baseball game‒‒the Orioles beat the Yankees 10-4. The foul ball Jared had caught was still displayed downstairs on the mantle of the fireplace. Some of Jared’s clothes were still on the floor and in the closet. At some point he’d have to box those away. Reaching over to the nightstand, he picked up the set of photographs his brother had sent him the month before everything happened.