Bonds Of The Heart Read online

  “At the end of the fair. The taste test for the judges was today, so the rest of the week everyone else can sample as much as they’d like.” Her mother smiled and exchanged glances with Maureen that neither Blake nor Erika noticed.

  “Robbie,” Maureen began, “why don’t you show me that shooting game you won this sword at? And if you win again, I’ll let you stay over tonight, stay up late, and eat all the ice cream you want.”

  “Really? Okay. I’ll win another one, then I can play with Ken when I go over his house tomorrow too. Come on Grands.” Robbie tugged Maureen’s hand to drag her out of the tent.

  “Don’t worry about taking him home Blake, he can stay with me tonight. I’ll bring him back tomorrow. I’ll see you tomorrow too, Brianne. Goodnight, Erika.” Maureen smiled as Robbie finally dragged her out of the tent

  “See you tomorrow, Uncle Blake!”

  Erika watched them leave and noticed Blake shift uncomfortably in place. He shoved his hands in his pockets and stood hipshot. It was damn sexy of him. Too bad she was so mad at him.

  “I need to get back to the book club,” Brianne said. She stood up and gestured to the other women, “we have a whole tent here at the fair and are hoping to get some new people to join us. Why don’t you two go enjoy the fair? I’ll probably be home late, Erika. Don’t worry about me. Come on, ladies. Let’s go reel in some new recruits.” She gathered her purse and scooted out of the tent leaving Erika and Blake staring at the exit and realizing they were the only two left in the tent.

  Fifteen

  ***

  Just beyond the tent, bright, colorful lights moved in the distance, some fast and some slow from the various rides. Calls of ‘Winner!’ spilled around them along with music, conversations, laughter, and screams. Scents of fried dough, cotton candy, fried chicken, hot dogs, and burgers teased their already stuffed stomachs.

  “Come with me.” Blake’s voice was low. He wanted to find a place where they could be on their own without the chance of anyone coming into the tent or talking to them. He wanted to just be alone with Erika. When she tensed under his touch he frowned at the sting of hurt he felt.

  Blake’s hand at the small of her back had Erika stiffening her back like a cornered cat. She didn’t want him to drag her off somewhere. She wanted to talk to him. No, she wanted to yell at him. He hadn't spoken to her all night and suddenly he wanted to drag her someplace else to talk. No. They were staying right here."

  “No.”

  Blake dropped his hand and moved to stand in front of her, his back toward the exit. Her dress teased him by accentuating her thin waist and natural curves. It fell just above her knees so Blake could see how her toned, porcelain legs reached toward heaven. And it dipped low in the front where her father’s dog tags lay between her breasts. He wanted to kiss her bare shoulders and run his hands along her body. But when he looked into Erika’s eyes, her face, there was no warm smile and no amusement in her eyes.

  Erika had to look past him, so she wouldn’t be distracted by his broad shoulders, his crooked smile, his sun touched hair. Blake had hurt her. Loving this man wouldn’t be easy, and Erika was certain that when she left in a few weeks, loving Blake would also break her heart. Right now, she was teetering on being full-blown pissed off.

  “You want to go home?”

  “No, I don’t.” She gripped the stuffed dog tighter trying to put strength into her words. She would not cry in front of him.

  He ran his hand through his hair and down to the back of his neck. “What do you want, Erika?”

  She wanted to know what was wrong with him. She wanted him to tell her what was going on in that stubborn head of his. She wanted him to kiss her, hold her, touch her. She wanted to go home and curl up into a ball and cry over the stupid stuffed animal he had won and given to her because Robbie told him to. She wanted him to want to do something for her that was all him and no one else. “I want you to talk to me.”

  “I’m talking, aren’t I?”

  Erika took a deep breath. She kept her voice low and eerily polite. “You haven’t said much to me all night. You spoke more to Robbie than to me. Not that I need it, but I’ve felt like I wasn’t wanted here at all tonight. If you didn’t want me to come, you should have told me.”

  “Erika, I—”

  “Don’t!” She thrust a pointed finger at him and narrowed her eyes while. “I get it that you’re hurting. I am too. I understand what you’re going through and you know that. But I won’t stand here and take it from you or from anyone. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to anyone else you’ve been pushing away. Did you ever stop to think about how they feel? How sad they are. They lost someone too. We weren’t the only ones.”

  She pushed past him toward the exit.

  Blake caught her by the wrist and spun her around to face him. This time he didn’t kiss her. He let her hand go when he felt her jump beneath him again. He didn’t like that feeling. He didn’t want her to be edgy around him. He didn’t like to see the pain and hurt in her eyes and moreover he didn’t like that he caused some of it. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to reach out and hold her. Instead he just stared at her and shoved his hands into his pockets before he spoke.

  “There’s a lot I don’t talk about. I surprised myself when I realized I want to talk about it with you. I just don’t—I didn’t know if I was ready, if I’d ever be ready. There’s just so much…it’s complicated. There are things…” Blake ran a hand through his hair and stopped himself. This wasn’t the time or place to talk about the picture. “It’s still too much to think about. And I haven’t really talked to…well anyone since it happened. I didn’t mean to make you feel unwelcomed, that wasn’t my intention.”

  Erika took a deep breath, her voice soft and gentle. “I get that, I do Blake. But you don’t need to shut me out. Just tell me you’re not ready to talk. That’s all you needed to say.”

  No. There was more he needed to say. He wanted to tell her about the picture, her father and his brother. He wanted to tell her what happened, that they shared more than she knew. He wanted to tell her that he needed her. That he wanted her. That he didn’t want her to go back to California. That he loved her. That he wanted to marry her. “Sorry.”

  She took his hand in hers, a slow smile curling her lips. “I accept your apology.”

  He ran his thumb across her knuckles. His body heated from her touch. “Do you want to stay here?” With me?

  “No.”

  He nodded. “Let’s get out of here.”

  ***

  Blake tried to make the conversation as light as he could, but he knew it was forced. He hoped that Erika didn’t notice. He was trying to get his thoughts together, hell even his feelings for her together so he could explain everything. He loved her but how would she feel if he told her that? He couldn’t make her stay with him if she didn’t love him in return. He had to tell her about his brother and the picture, but how? He pulled into the driveway, hopped out, and helped Erika from the truck. He took her hand in his and led her inside. They’d have the night to themselves, so he had all the time to explain to her everything in the comfort of his brother’s house. He swallowed hard. Could he?

  “Do you want anything? Water? Lemonade? I think I have a bottle of wine or some beer…”

  “No, thank you. I’m fine.” Erika stood in the hallway, gripping the stuffed animal.

  “Did you ever have a dog before?” He gestured to the stuffed animal Erika gripped like a life support.

  “Oh. No, I didn’t.”

  “Then you better give him some air to breath.” He forced a nervous laugh. Damn, this was harder than he thought.

  She smiled at him and loosened her grip on the stuffed animal. “Right. Sorry. I don’t know why I do that.”

  Blake sighed, took Erika’s free hand, and led her to the couch. He stared at their interlocking fingers when they sat, trying to gather his words together. Could he do this? Could he tell her everything? He wanted to
—no, he had to—if he could only get the words to come out of his mouth. Where to begin? he thought.

  Erika’s voice was warm as it washed over him. “You don’t have to talk if you aren’t ready. It’s okay, Blake.”

  “I want to. I just…It’s just—”

  “I know…” She said. Then her lips found his.

  He hadn’t realized how much he needed this, needed to be with her right now. He couldn’t explain to himself or to her what she had done for him in the short time he'd known her. Instead he would show her. He let his fingers slip into her hair as she brought her hands to his chest. Sliding his hands down her neck and landing on her bare shoulders, he brought her closer to him. He’d been aching to feel her against him.

  She let out a soft moan. They both needed each other, and each knew it. Erika hadn’t realized just how much until Blake held her like this—close to him, her body fit to his. She ran her hands across his chest, down his torso, feeling the taut skin beneath his shirt and around to his back. She pulled him as close as she could.

  “Can we go upstairs?” she whispered when he trailed kisses along her jaw.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  Blake stood and took her by the hand, brought her to her feet. He guided them through the dark house to the large bedroom.

  He closed the door behind them and guided her toward the bed. Their eyes locked. Blake caressed her face. He reached his hand up to grace the porcelain skin of her cheek, trace his fingers across the line of her jaw, run his thumb across her lips. He leaned in and touched his lips to hers; trailed kisses along her jaw, behind her ear, down her neck, and across each bare shoulder where the straps around her neck tempted him. Her eyelids fell heavy and closed at the sensation of his warm lips on her skin. She tilted her head back and braced her hands on his hips.

  She tasted as sweet as she smelled. Her vanilla scent floated in the room around him. The palms of his hands were rough against her soft skin. Blake reminded himself to be gentle. He rested his hands on her hips as he guided her down onto the bed. He ran his hands down her arms and back again. He untied the straps of her dress and glided them down and kissed her exposed, hot skin, the cotton fabric his only barrier. He trailed kisses down her belly, her legs. He unstrapped her sandals at her feet and kissed her ankles. He toed off his boots and found his way back up her body.

  Erika sat up and reached for the buttons of his shirt, ripping it open, much to Blake’s surprise. Buttons flung and hit the floor, breaking the silence. Kneeling in front of him, she crushed her mouth to his. She hadn’t realized how much she wanted—no needed—to feel skin on skin. She moved as quickly as her body would let her. Her mouth feasted on his then moved down his neck to his chest. She felt his tanned, taut skin tense with each of her kisses. He moaned when she flicked her tongue over his nipple. She nuzzled her nose against the small patch of hair on his chest before kissing it and moving down to his belly.

  She surprised him again as she tore open the button of his jeans and lowered his zipper. Blake braced his hands on her shoulders and pulled her away from him to slow things down. It took one look in her eyes to see she wanted this just as much as he did. He tore his jeans and boxers off, then raced his hands up her legs taking her dress with him. As he ran his palms along her torso, against the sides of her breasts and lifted the dress over her head, he forgot his pain. He noticed the dog tags around her neck, her father’s.

  He threw the dress aside, without looking, as his mouth found her breast. It pebbled at his touch, and he eagerly took it in his mouth, nibbling, flicking, nipping. She whispered something he couldn’t understand through the blood pumping in his ears. Her moan escaped into his senses and drove him wild.

  She ran her hands up and down his back, and when he nipped again at her breast she dug her nails into his back. Her reward was the vibration of his moan against her breast, her skin. He kneaded and massaged. She feasted and devoured. She wanted to feel him inside her, filling her. She held on tight, pulling him closer as he teased her with each movement of his body against hers.

  When he entered her, he slipped into tight, wet, hot silk. He stilled to enjoy the feeling of filling her. Her body, fit to his, bowed in response. Then he moved, fast, hard. She met him thrust for thrust as they became one. Frantic need encased them both. She twisted her body and his so she could ride him. Her breasts skimmed his chest as he gripped her hips. There would probably be bruises there in the morning, though she didn’t care. With a quick movement, he turned them over and thrust deeper inside her. He took her over the edge with him. When she trembled, shuddered beneath him, his breath hitched in his throat. He stilled, pulling her to him as close as he could when he found his release.

  When Blake found the air to fill his lungs, he rolled himself off and pulled Erika in close. He couldn’t let her go back to California. He loved her. And he knew she loved him. She didn’t have to say the words for him to hear them, he knew as they made love tonight. She had said it through her touch. Blake smiled as he drifted to sleep with the woman he loved beside him.

  She ran a lazy hand across Blake’s chest. She felt his heartbeat start to slow along with hers. His chest rose and fell as his breathing slowed. Erika didn’t want to leave him. She hoped he’d ask her to stay, to love her as she loved him. On a heavy sigh, she drifted into sleep next to the man she loved, knowing she’d have to leave him soon.

  Sixteen

  ***

  The room was dark, the only light from the full moon shining through the windows. Not a sound could be heard in the house, the only sounds coming from outside that reminded her of long summer nights—crickets, cicadas, owls, and other creatures of the night. Erika nuzzled into Blake's sleeping chest, one arm wrapped around his waist. Blake Hamilton had made her happy for the first time in three months since her daddy’s passing. And she loved him for it. She couldn’t help but feel as if Blake was the only one who understood her.

  She wondered if this was how her mother felt when she met her father. They had always looked so happy, so in love together. Even when they were arguing over the little projects her father had taken on between deployments that cluttered the garage. Even through the tearful goodbyes at the base, and especially whenever her father would come home safely. Erika remembered the way her father had wrapped his arms around her mother the last time he came home.

  Erika slid from Blake’s hold and grabbed his shirt off the floor and put it on. It smelled of him—earthy. She’d miss Blake’s embrace when she left for California. She wished with all her heart that he’d ask her to stay. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she looked out the window. Blake stirred in bed at her movements, turning and reaching an arm out to bring her back to him.

  “Erika?”

  “Sorry if I woke you.”

  “No, it’s okay. Is everything all right?”

  “I was just going to get something to drink.”

  “Stay, I’ll go get it for you.” Blake rose and slipped on his boxers, giving her a chaste kiss on her shoulder. Her heart swelled in her chest. Blake headed toward the door and padded down the hall.

  Erika looked around Blake’s room. There were pictures of him and his brother. There were more of Robbie and Jared. There were a few pictures of Jared and a young, beautiful woman with sandy brown hair. That must be Robbie’s mother, she thought. The clothes scattered across the room, made her laugh. If it weren’t for women, men would never clean their rooms. She made a promise to herself to help Blake do what had taken her almost three months to do‒‒pack away his brother’s items. Not forever, of course. Just a step toward helping him move on.

  Blake had helped her do that herself—move on. Not entirely, of course. She still missed her daddy with every piece of herself, but Blake had found a way to enter that broken heart and help her heal. She hoped she could do the same for him. She just didn’t have that much time left. In just over a week, she’d be on a flight back to L.A. and out of his life. If he asked her to s
tay, she would. She knew that deep down inside. But if he didn’t love her back, he wouldn’t ask her to stay.

  Her publishing house had an office in Washington D.C. It was one of the benefits of being in the top ten of publishing houses. She could work out of the city and be home with Blake and Robbie. She had even gone as far as to email HR and see what was available. She should be hearing from them soon, and she’d have to check her email when she got home. She had only requested the information as a ‘just in case’.

  Trying to keep the heartbreak at bay, Erika stood and walked toward the window next to the bedside table when she noticed the pictures. Picking them up, she looked through each of them slowly.

  Pictures of Blake’s brother stationed overseas, she mused. How many pictures had she looked through of her father after the funeral? Blake’s pain was just as deep as hers. Her heart tightened for him. They’d had much more in common than she had first thought.

  Blake had surrounded himself by the memories of his brother. Looking back toward the room, she took a second glance at the clothes on the floor. She frowned. None of them looked like Blake’s. They must be his brothers. She would help him pack those away, when he was ready to do so. Turning back to the photos in her hands, she sifted through them. She could hear Blake coming down the hall when she reached the last photo.

  “I didn’t know if you wanted water or something else, so I brought—”

  Blake froze in the doorway. Erika held the picture of his brother and her father in her hands; tears spilling down her face. He dropped the glasses in his hands and rushed to her. He should have told her before they'd had sex together. He had to tell her now; he’d have to make her listen.

  Her voice trembled when she spoke. “Why—”

  “Erika, I—”

  “Why do you have a picture of my father? Why didn’t you tell me?” her voice cracked at the words. More tears fell.